Yes, I’m fine.

Have you seen that cartoon of the lady sitting in a room, drinking a cup of “coffee” while the entire room is full of flames? That’s what “fine” means to me. There is chaos everywhere: in my mind, in my house, and definitely in my laundry room.

My life is chaotic, and most of the time, I love it…..until I don’t.

You know that one damp towel on the floor that pushes you over the edge? That’s what I want to talk about today.

What I really want to share is how “fine” I feel sometimes. All the things are going as planned, until they don’t. Everything is working itself out, until it isn’t. All the pieces fit together, until one goes missing….

Then what?

Well, I describe it as a dumpster fire…but not a regular dumpster fire…..if you were to imagine a dumpster fire, and that dumpster is on a moving train…but then the train loses its brakes….and then the train conductor realizes there’s a break in the rails ahead…..

That’s the dumpster fire that lives in my brain sometimes….it’s like bees buzzing in the dumpster fire…IN. MY. BRAIN.

We do the body exercises, and usually the meditations. We eat the right things (most of the time), take the right vitamins, and make mostly responsible decisions….

We check the boxes.

Are we living, or are we existing? What does your fun bucket look like each month, each week, each day?

How do you relax?

How do you recover from something that drains your brain (mentally and emotionally)?

Things may not go as planned, but they still go.

Flexibility is the new spice of life (according to me).

Support comes in such a variety of avenues. What do you need? How do you feel supported? When you feel like you may be on the dumpster fire train, and of course, you’re “fine,” what would help you?

The only way someone else can support you, is if you let them. The only way people will know how to support you, is if you tell them what you need.

It’s not easy to feel vulnerable.

Talking about feelings seems so wishy washy, and is very uncomfortable for many people. If it’s uncomfortable for you, think about how it must feel for your kids, or your parents, or your friends that are equally uncomfortable.

So, here are some tips:

*Ask, don’t fix; if someone is going through something, ask them how you can support them.

*Silence is your friend; sometimes, someone just doesn’t want to be alone (virtual support is amazing), but they don’t know what they want/need, so just hold space for them.

*The Platinum Rule; this replaces the Golden Rule that we all learned many moons ago. Remember when we were taught to treat others the way we want to be treated? Yeah…please don’t do that.

Treat others the way they want to be treated (not you), aka, the Platinum Rule.

We are not clones…what works for one person may not work for another.

Learn about Empathy and Sympathy….they are not the same. Sit in someone’s sadness with them….”this must be hard for you, I’m here with you.”

*Avoid the silver lining!!! I know you think you’re helping, but it’s almost never helpful. If you find yourself starting with “At least,” beware….

Find a support system that works with you. Support may look like hugging an animal, joining a support group, surrounding yourself with a group of animals, meeting with a therapist, taking medication, meditation, exercise, talk therapy, and various other coping tools….the list goes on and on…..and most people need to combine several ingredients to create the recipe for Mental Health.

You are not alone. Please remember that. What ingredients are you missing, and how can I help you find them?